The Moon in July

photo[1631] Moon 2 .JPG

The first full moon in July

danced in the clouds

turned them to fires

Of silvery light

and translucent shadows.

If I was a wolf this night

I would howl and rejoice

But I’m a woman and I take a photo

trying to capture the moments

of your natural beauty with my iPad.

Self Publishing and the learning curve.

I’m now heading towards my final year of study at University of Queensland with high hopes in finding out how I, as a mature aged student with little financial capital can  succeed in at least publishing for real one of my many stories or poetry anthologies. How else can a person like me pay back for the study fees? Yes that’s right, I hope to learn how to break through this high ceiling of the impassable world of books in today’s world where everyone with money are trying to do the same thing. So were does this leave me? I’ll finish my degree at 63 years of age, so is anyone going to employ me so I can payback my study debts? Be real , that isn’t going to happen is it?

To begin this tale I must first explain why I am trying to become a published author:

Is it all about denial. I am defying the odds against me that are stacked up as to why I most likely will fail in this adventure. Like Alice and the Red Queen discussing the impossible, yes I’ve written much ( mush) on that subject. Alice in Wonderland and the Impossible Thoughts   So yes I’m all about the impossible and overcoming a challenge just like Alice and that “Jabberwocky .”

You see, I’m a grammatically  challenged ideas writer, and for years I’ve tried to improve my written communication and overcome my learning difficulties of childhood by returning to University to study writing.

Being an ideas writer mainly means , I have many ideas about stories but few actually finished stories. Yes, some do exist after my lifetime of trying to write and some artworks exist after my student years. I’ve even  sold some but mostly I give them away, even my writings exist on a free writing website, wattpad. Wattpad is where I still visit to add to my growing list of works on a regular basis.  And when I do my local community there take a look at what I’m doing . They vote and comment.. and I generally do likewise. But unfortunately that is all who sees my growing number of poems and stories in their infancy.  My wattpad account  is called”newpoet”, and sorry the link doesn’t wish to work, so google search my name Rose Raikos and there you will find the link to my works, of which there are many.  But all free so I can’t class myself as a successful author/ poet  or artist. There is this word that describes me perfectly, emerging.  I’m “Emerging” and in that long learning curve  I’ve grown out and round and beautifully Earthy like an old earth goddess because I’ve sat for long hours just writing stuff.

A mushroom in the shit of life growing on the forest floor of opportunity. But I must admit I’m determined to keep trying, to find that ray of sunlight that streaks through all magical like to highlight the treasures on the forest floor. Those many fallen opportunities of competition failures, and trying to be published in the real world will one day see sunlight within the pages of a real book. This is my dream , my writer’s goal. And even if I fail, I’ve tried, right? That is something to be remembered for, isn’t? I tried hard to make enough money to pay back society in allowing me to return to study without feeling guilty for leaving that debt not paid when or if I fail in making millions.

Secondly, I started this whole adventure late in my life, and returned to Study after suffering a Stroke or symptoms of one from a coughing fit while suffering asthma. I started doing watercolours to regain my life, physically and emotionally. The emotional bit is a long story and I will not go into detail here as I see this as the third point of why. So going back to the second point of starting late at the age of 52 years and an ever so slowly of part-time study. I enjoyed this learning curve which was done with the help of the Watercolour Society of Queensland back in 2003 to 2005. After this creative awakening I enrolled into TAFE to do a Diploma  of Visual Arts, which I completed in 2012. Yes, I did it all part time  with a burst of creativity of making my heads of the Greek gods in figurative clay through out 2009 – 2010. On finishing I made the choice to commence my degree not in Visual Arts but in Writing and Art History  at UQ. This conscious choice wasn’t because I wasn’t good at making art, it was I didn’t feel as if I could write well enough about my Art to be understood by potential buyers. In today’s world an artist has to do everything to promote themselves and just showing a talent isn’t enough , you have to provide extra special super human skills of being able to curate, market as well as produce your best possible work. Or you work in a collaboration with others, and as a mature aged grammatically challenged writer I felt as if I’d be a burden on a group affair. In today’s world, an Artist has to be an octopus but you also have to have money behind you, so I decided to see how “writing  well “could be the answer to my problems.

Thirdly as stated above is the emotional factor, of why I still haven’t cracked open the genie bottle of success  where others have, like JR Tolkien and of course he was in a different world. But that other writer, J K Rowling’s and her wizard book tricks of spells. Harry Potter, yes I do look up to her and how she believed in herself and her stories. Her spells worked, where as mine are still being manufactured. They are still slowly emerging into the light.  That miracle  ray of photons reaching down into the depths of the forest to the floor of creative fertile covered floor of life to highlight my lifelong collective works.  I am not the only one  many other’s just like me dream and wish for that magical break in our too short lives.

I believe complaining about the cards we draw in the deck of life can only make matters worse, so I will not tell you here what my Emotional state and mental illness is, just the effect it has on my life. Mental illness must be overcome as it  can close in on me and shut down my creative urge as any other person with mental issues, we crack  when stress levels are extra high good or bad. So, the necessary resolve to keep trying dissolves in ashes of a burnt dream.  I plod along numb from the downfall of those dizzy beliefs that I can do this and survive in pain on the forest floor. When I realise I’m back on the forest floor in the rubbish heap a period of darkens follows as the thick night of depression hits. But after a while, I do find the strength from my family to get back up and to live life again and to keep on trying to live my life.  The cycle effect of this dizzy high to the fall is a pattern I’ve had to recognise so I don’t become a random atom and destroy all my work or hit out at those closest to me, my family.  I’ve gone on to live this cycle of up then down and realise this is the draw of cards I was dealt with on birth. Like all people with mental illness we need to recognise the best cards and play with them until we can discard the bad in “the recycle pile” of life. My opportunities of that draw card pile is still there for me to just receive the right one to continue on my way. Admiringly others have overcome similar life cards so why not I?

So with all that said my next entry will be about self publishing on a loose shoe string and how even the lowest of us many writers can achieve the impossible and publish our own stories in this strange new world.

 

New Movie

For the last two weeks I’ve worked hard to produce a three minute film. Yes, only three minutes, of the first part of a poem. One which was written for the  International Organisation for the Reunification of the Parthenon Marbles back to  Athens and the Acropolis Museum.   Your Home Awaits You

All the images have been sourced from freely available google images and referenced. Some are my own creation of watercolour paintings of the Marbles which have inspired my art. The music was sourced from freely available  tracks from the web. Like the Sky by Damiano Baldoni which worked so well with my written poem. For the full version of this poem please visit Wattpad newpoet Your Home Awaits You

Each year I try and make time to produce something for this International Organisation to use freely for educational purposes. If you do not know much about the Parthenon Marbles a place to start is by visiting the purpose built museum in Athens.Again this can be seen virtually via Parthenon    and The birth of the New Acropolis Museum  . Other films within this group on Ytube will give you more information about the long battle the Greek people have had with the British Museum .

The Acropolis Museum is now 8 years old and was especially built to receive the Parthenon Marbles. The Parthenon Marbles where once wrongly named the Elgin Marbles  which unfortunately are still within the British Museum even though for generations the Greek People have continually asked for them to be sent back.

Can Computers play TRICKS ?

Sometimes my computer tricks me and I miss read my own titles of my many pieces of writing. Just imagine you have decided to enter a poem into a competition and you send in the wrong piece of writing. Well that happened to me today, and I like an idiot that I am, I tried to retrieve my miss sent poem and re-apply. I sent  sweet words in an email to the competition organisers saying my computer played tricks with me. I know I’ll not get an answer, why should they even try to help in this situation. As for my poem,  it will be lost to the defaulted pile as the numbers of the poem will not relate to the registration rules. So I just lost $10.

Yes, I’m an old fool still trying to find some recognition of my many years of writing.   I can’t afford to re-apply with another poem, that will be another loaf of bread and a bottle of milk with a sandwich filling.  Is this a message that I shouldn’t try and enter competitions? Or just a sign of my miss read sight tricking my mind that I picked the right poem to send out into the world of competitions?

Maybe, just maybe when I believe I can resend a poem or a story into the world, I’ll be sense able and CHECK to make sure my computer hasn’t tricked me.. again by picking the wrong file.  There is the button that reads submit and another which says cancel for a reason. So if anyone else is today trying to become a recognised writer or poet in this new technological world, where all submissions are online and in those platforms with codes embedded  so no personal names are shown on the submitted writing, well I wish you luck.  And don’t press that submit button until you are doubly sure that your computer hasn’t tricked you with the selection of the WRONG FILE .

Still learning :Lifestyle but for how long? Lifestyle costs!

We continue to learn way past our prime childhood and young adult years, as everyone is capable of achieving and actually learning something new each day. Regardless of age or ability. One of my life’s goals is to continue to learn until my very last breath. So this is my lifestyle which I wish to share with those who are interested in life-long-learning.

Why do we  short deal our own abilities when it comes to new ways of doing things? Especially with the elderly and technology? Must we always rely on a younger mind to show us the ropes or can we gain our experiences of this new way of cultural exchange through sheer determination and we ourselves must grapple with, this new technical life which we see developing around us? Learning starts when we do it ourselves and explore this new virtual lifestyle.

I know of some people who have mastered digital art in their retirement years because they wished to express themselves in this medium and they have excelled in photoshoping their own art and photographs. Cost of programs is what stops me from doing the same, unfortunately.

But still, it is even the little differences that can bring enjoyment without extra expense.

My mother-in-law rejoiced when she could play cards without having to handle the the old paper cards as they become aged and worn quickly with use.

Skype has also become the overseas phone call now so we can keep in touch with our families when distance separates the members of closely knit families. I hope this is always freely available and preserved for the simple things of life and family connection.   I also hope that grandmas and grandpas can guide the young through out the web so the young are not hurt by those predators who darken the world wide web. Our virtual world does reflect our lifestyle in many ways as we experiment in the newly available technology. But it has a cost component that is out of reach for many pensioners as food and shelter with power and rising costs of living erode  the retired elderly’s available income of the luxury of dabbling in the  virtual world.

 

 

The never ending saga

We try and we dabble and jump to free offers only to find they are not free at all and the indefinite  free website is not true, but some sly way of luring you into the trap of monthly payments. My aged brain thought I was getting a good deal with a month free website ( not here but else where on this world wide web.) I once had a web presence payed for and operating for many years with a web domain who recently offered a free trail for a new site. I cancelled my old web pages as I intended to transfer my best content over to this blog eventually once I had sorted our my years of writing and posting.  But now my web images are no longer seen when google searched and my web presence is no longer except within this blog and wattpad under the post of @newpoet. Typical big company attitudes are to trick customers into deals that are not constructive to our needs. They are only out to make money from the little people and then block their contact email so you can’t discuss anything with them . This is what has happened to me, so I can not reach them over the problems I’m having with said asked payment of 11.98 US dollars which adds up to around 24 dollars a month for a once advertised free site. Is this then a free website? Please don’t think it is here people because it is not.  Wordpress.com is not like that, but are honest in their advertising of their web platforms. I know where I stand with this company where as with my previous web site operators I now can not even ask them why and try and work something out with them so I can continue with a fully functional web presences. So that is my beef for today and it comes with a warning of nothing is ever free they have a policy in the fine print that offers can be reversed at any time and we as customers are always wrong.

Undecided

I still am trying different things out on the web with a wide result of  effects and learnt and burnt by what works and what doesn’t. Here at least works straight away. My other experiment is in nowhere land under a slight varied name from my old website: it is called therosewriter2.com with SimpleSite which may work eventually and when and if it does I’ll link it here to this blog. What really upset me is all my saved data from which was my own creation was not saved from that site but totally deleted for ever. Seems strange but I saved the data to my own machine thinking that was enough, but no they are forever gone. All those years of posts have virtually been destroyed  and I must start again. So the stroke TWO may eventually develop with SimpleSite and it may flourish. Or I may just let old dogs die and give that company the burial they gave all my works. Cut and paste does not work with even your own published works if they have been posted to the web under that particular site. So whatever I published has now gone forever.